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The office

 by Slomo
( A Writaur Creation: write your own at http://www.writaur.com/crossword/ )

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Across:

1. "There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, "what if you die, Dwight? How will we get into the office?" He said, "if I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks."
3. "Besides having sex with men, I would say the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me."
4. "I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the 60's, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors... in the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing."
6. "You took me by the hand You made me a man That one night You made everything all right"
7. "Goodness, what kind of tea is this?" “Oh, I boiled some Gatorade”
9. "I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They always complain. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles. I'm constantly hungry. Do you think my nipples don't get sore, too? Do you think I don't need to know the fastest way to the hospital?"
11. Mr. Scott, who is this other woman, who you refer to as 'Just as hot as Jan, but in a different way.'
12. "Yes. It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we are fine."
15. "Bears eat beets. Bears... Beets... Battlestar Galactica. "
16. "Daryl Philbin is the most complicated man that I have ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that?"

Down:

1. "This weather makes me want to stay at home curled up with a good book"
2. "Everybody poops"
5. "and don't forget the new black-man phrase I taught you - Pippety poppety give me the zoppety"
6. "He's not an idiot. He's mentally challenged"
8. "Me think, why waste time say lot word, when few word do trick."
10. "I’m petrified of nipple chafing."
13. "You may ask me out to dinner. Nothing fancy or foreign, no bars, no patios, no vegetables, and no seafood."
14. "Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing."